2022

Let’s start with that I haven’t been writing here in a while, but I thought I could write a summary about my last year. 

Year 2022 was something special. I don’t mean that it included big trophies and only joyful emotions, but it brought a lot of new aspects of life and most of all, of my life.

I faced a lot of obstacles last year and honestly, I feel a bit exhausted after everything I went through this year.

It hasn’t been easy to accept and bend with all the things that have changed after my dad slept away. Also being so much injured during the whole season, has been really demanding both physically and mentally. 

Still, after facing those obstacles I feel that I have observed a lot of new things about myself and I have got such great memories with my beloved ones. 

I made some new friends in my life, who seemed to become really close as well. 

Not to forget to mention Toivo who has been the sunshine in my life and my dearest thing in the world.

So, the year was pretty much a mix of everything and it will be a year that I will remember because of many reasons. 

Positive mindset is the key to happiness

As I have written in my previous posts about the NPL things I started with in the beginning of the year, I have been developing my mindset about how I relate to different things and situations.

I am a very analytical person and I could say that I know myself pretty well, but after I started to practice my mind with these NLP methods I recognized how much there is still to learn and develop myself in those things.

One of the exercises was to write down really specifically what you want in your life and along with  what kind of feelings you will express when you will get them.

Beside this exercise was a mindfulness exercise where you will feel those feelings and an image in your mind of the sitaution when it will happen.

Since I started to do these exercises I noticed that even though I didn’t yet have the thing I wanted to achieve, I could still feel those good feelings and feel them every day.

Also I started to understand that I don’t need more than what I already have and it is different to need and want things.

Usually we wait to achieve something and then be happy and feeling good after, but actually sometimes it can be that when we have achieved some things we thought we would be happy about, so it can be in reality very different and not what we thought it could be.

Simply: Why to wait for something to happen and after that feeling good, when instead I could feel it now and see what it will bring to me?

When you’re focusing on good things, you will get that back as well.

This is one of the most important things that I noticed last year and it is really good to have in mind.

If I am all the time giving energy to my negative thoughts, it will more likely happen.

I don’t mean it will 100% happen if you are thinking of something negative now, but you are giving unnecessary energy to those things and focusing on it, when you could think of something positive instead.

I had some really demanding moments mentally last year and have`t been positive all the time, however I will be working even next year with myself and I will be optimistic how things will work out.

Even though I didn’t have the year I assumed, so I still feel like I had in some ways a great year and I am grateful for this year. I still have so much to experience and this is “only one year” and there are so many to come and it is one piece in the big picture.

I believe and want to believe that someday I will shine and achieve my goals, so when I look back at this year after facing all obstacles I can think that I didn’t give up and pushed through even in the toughest times.

So this year will even feel then worth it and it will feel even better.

Painful memories

Yes, the year 2022 wasn’t the year I thought it would be, however I still had some really good memories and moments beside the crap.

It is a relevant question to ask even for myself why do I feel it wasn’t the year I wanted it to be: 

Well, I have some big goals in my career I want to achieve and I had the potential to achieve them, so there “shouldn’t” be any doubt why I couldn’t do it.

but unfortunately there are some things that just happen and I can’t do so much about it, like for example injuries, personal issues and mental health etc.

For me I have been facing a lot of obstacles in these few years and it has been very painful.

When I came to Åland United I thought that I would only be here for one year and I would go abroad, but things went very differently than I thought.

My dad passed away and I was  very heartbroken, powerless, tired and scared, so I didn’t feel to go and to be receptive, so I didn’t have the energy for a new environment with new people and to learn in a different country.

So, I decided to stay and have a good and stable year in a safe and familiar environment, but as you know it went diffrently. 

After only 2 weeks I got injured and I couldn’t believe it and I was very confused how I could get any injury that fast. 

But as I said, I was tired and my whole body was off balance, so thinking afterwards I wasn’t that surprised that I got my stress fracture.

I was pissed, but I was still very optimistic and trusted that I will still have a good year, even though I am now injured and I will have some time to get in shape for the league.

I wasn’t in the first two games the best version of myself and we were a bit struggling with the team, but I still felt I was in shape when I came back.

I was even chosen as the player of the month in may and I really felt how I had a great touch of playing.

In summer there was an U23 national team camp where we played against Norway and I enjoyed playing. Unfortunately I didn’t get to enjoy playing, because in our first game after the break I got injured after only 25 minutes. 

The ambulance came and picked me up because I was suffering from so much pain when I ruptured my ankle and then I was again on the red list (injured players list).

The first practice after the game our head coach and I had a discussion about my next season and how it wasnt the year we planned.

Sadness and anger just took over my whole body and I just cried while I was watching my team practicing.

It wasn’t even the worst phase in that time aside from the rehab time. 

The goal for me to be back was 5-7 weeks and it was a nightmare when I had to deal with my extremely swollen ankles, some passing and shooting.

I remember how I went to the toilet to cry when the exercises didn’t feel good at all, instead I felt like shit.

Luckily we took some steps back from the rehab and got some time for my ankle to rehab and it was a good move to do.

I didn’t play that much in the end of the season, but because of our some players who suffered of some small injuries, so i had to play 90th minutes as a winger against Kups, but surprisingly i managed that very well even though I hadn’t played in few months and it isn’t my position.

It was a very hard time for me the whole time when I was injured, but I am very proud of myself that I didn’t and still haven’t given up.

Year 2023

So what’s next?

After facing these obstacles and having a year like 2022, so how do I go to the next year and expecting of it:

Honestly, I was really disappointed that I didn’t manage to take my next step and to move somewhere else to play, still it felt like the right decision for me and I am excited for what is coming next.

I have great people around me and I feel good to be in Åland, so it still feels like I need to be here now and work myself in shape again both mentally and physically.

I am trying my best to be more present and enjoy my journey with the people I have around me and do my best.

Also trying to focus on the good things and giving energy to my positive thoughts.

My goals for the next year is to reach my best level and simply to be the best.

I know I can do that and I feel like now is the right time and place to do it.

The most important is the small goals along the road that will build the way to the big goal,so I will take a goal at the time and do them as well as possible.

Beside these goals I will try to enjoy the process and instead of worrying, so be more happy.

I want to be more present and to get to know myself even better and to find out what I really want to do in my life.